Failing At Kitchen: Michael Bay Mushrooms


I always buy mushrooms. Because they’re delicious. And then they go off because I always think I need to “put them in” something else instead of just enjoying the shroom.

Not this day. After a long day of Build-A-Bear with my niece Lu, I decided I wanted something warm for dinner, rather than the usual lazy night grapes/cheese/crackers fest.

So, out came the mushrooms. Rinsed ’em, spiced ’em, then made them go boom. Kinda like it does in a Bay movie. And with all the garlic I recommend, this should be enjoyed by yourself, away from the judgment of others. Again, like a Michael Bay movie. Haters.

Served with a bit of soft bread for sopping (in this instance a jalapeño bagel) and some fruit (the ubiquitous grapes), tasty tasty.

Here’s the recipe. Bon Appetit & all that.

Michael Bay Mushrooms
(serves one as a main dish, two if you’re the sharing type & have a salad or something to go with)

* one box of mushrooms (I used the usual white, but baby bellas could totally work)
* 2 tbsp butter (I used country crock. It’s what I had)
* 1/4 cup minced garlic (more or less to taste; I just let a gobbet of the pre-minced stuff blop out of the Costco super package & into the skillet)
* salt and pepper to taste
* tequila

1) rinse & dry shrooms. Heat skillet.
2) heat butter/butter-like substance in a skillet.
3) add shrooms, & a touch of EVOO if things are looking dry.
4) let the shrooms stay put for about a minute, so they get a bit brown & caramel-y.
5) add salt and pepper, stir or toss to combine. Let shrooms cook down for two minutes or so, depending on your level of mush enjoyment.
6) add healthy splash of tequila (I just slopped some on top after seeing the bottle & thinking “hey, this works great instead of water for taco night!”)… STEP AWAY FROM THE PAN AS THE MUSHROOMS ARE ABOUT TO INVENT FIRE.
7) let the fumes from the tequila ignite, and let stuff Flame On for several seconds. It’ll seem like an eternity, as you wonder if your neighbors called the cops on your irresponsible ass.
8) after the alcohol has left the pan, blow out any remaining flame.
9) scrape/pour into a bowl, serve w/soft bread (I hate hard crusts) and some sorta fruit you like for a festive mood.
10) eat!

I was going to call these Halloween Eyeballs, as that’s kinda what they look like after the shrooms get brown-caramel-y on one side. Then I added the splode.

You’re welcome, Mr. Bay.

P. S.: just got back from a Halloween party. The house still smells crazy delicious. I need to cook more often. Hah! Like that’s gonna happen!


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